Part One, or is it...
Okay.. i dont know where i left off and im to lazy to go back now and read soooo... i do know i am not in love as i used to be with my wife and i miss that, tremendously. I miss all the contact we shared before the kids were born. Once Melissa was born things changed and it has never been the same since. Loss of sexual interest because she thinks she is fat and ugly. She isnt. Gone are the times of going to the bar or out to a comedy club or even dinner date. Things have really changed and I have been trying to get those moments back for such a long time.
i have taken up driving years ago to get away from wanting to be physical when arguing with my wife. she loves to fight, loves to bring her hatred from work home. Yelling is her only tone of voice. I dont like this, I cant have the kids growing up thinking it is normal to be yelled at and constantly berated. When i try to get involved and talk to her she gets mad and we then get into a fight. Yelling to the point where i want to hit her, so i leave, cool down to return to her still in a bad mood.
now i love driving, I love the wide open road and the total control of my life and surroundings, well to a certain point. Imiss the kids and I miss the wife. but even out here she finds ways to fight, when i turn off the ringer to not have to hear it she then takes it out on the kids. her favorite item of control is a black plastic spoon always within arms reach. when i go home my children listen to me, there is no fighting and everyone gets along and this really gets under my wifes skin. The fact my children listen and obey and play together when im home, then the minute im gone and not even out of the city i get phone calls where the kids are at each others throat.. The road has offered me the things to see and do out here while soaking in the country and all it has to offer. like now, i am in Tennessee and the roadside is covered in a thin skin of snow and it is so pretty, i hope the picture i uploaded attaches to this post. i travel where i want, go home when i want and all this while still making a decent income. Where else can you go home on a whim and take a week or two off just because. Decide on a spur of the moment to go to Niagara or Grand Canyon even. I am still waiting for the Mount Rushmore trip. that would be awesome. now, I wish i could take the family with me to all these places but i keep telling myself i am checking them out before we go to be sure itll be fun.
i am missing my children growing up, it hurts like no other. should i go home to be with the kids but why should i have to deal with the wife and her attitude that she wont even acknowledge is crappy at best. i know she is depressed, she doesnt want any help. I have tried, for years to help her and after all the begging and pleading, all the fights asking her to get checked out, talk to a doctor, anything for the children and the marriage. i have given up, i think im ready to move on now. i have only to be sure this is what im going to do. ....cont
i have taken up driving years ago to get away from wanting to be physical when arguing with my wife. she loves to fight, loves to bring her hatred from work home. Yelling is her only tone of voice. I dont like this, I cant have the kids growing up thinking it is normal to be yelled at and constantly berated. When i try to get involved and talk to her she gets mad and we then get into a fight. Yelling to the point where i want to hit her, so i leave, cool down to return to her still in a bad mood.
now i love driving, I love the wide open road and the total control of my life and surroundings, well to a certain point. Imiss the kids and I miss the wife. but even out here she finds ways to fight, when i turn off the ringer to not have to hear it she then takes it out on the kids. her favorite item of control is a black plastic spoon always within arms reach. when i go home my children listen to me, there is no fighting and everyone gets along and this really gets under my wifes skin. The fact my children listen and obey and play together when im home, then the minute im gone and not even out of the city i get phone calls where the kids are at each others throat.. The road has offered me the things to see and do out here while soaking in the country and all it has to offer. like now, i am in Tennessee and the roadside is covered in a thin skin of snow and it is so pretty, i hope the picture i uploaded attaches to this post. i travel where i want, go home when i want and all this while still making a decent income. Where else can you go home on a whim and take a week or two off just because. Decide on a spur of the moment to go to Niagara or Grand Canyon even. I am still waiting for the Mount Rushmore trip. that would be awesome. now, I wish i could take the family with me to all these places but i keep telling myself i am checking them out before we go to be sure itll be fun.
i am missing my children growing up, it hurts like no other. should i go home to be with the kids but why should i have to deal with the wife and her attitude that she wont even acknowledge is crappy at best. i know she is depressed, she doesnt want any help. I have tried, for years to help her and after all the begging and pleading, all the fights asking her to get checked out, talk to a doctor, anything for the children and the marriage. i have given up, i think im ready to move on now. i have only to be sure this is what im going to do. ....cont
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